now I feel bad

The other day I wrote about a guy I was matched up with who happened to be from Long Beach, MI. I poked fun at his list of five things he can't live without:
1. Moral character.
2. My first son.
3. My second son.
4. Food, water, and shelter.
5. A sense of purpose.

And now I feel bad because over the last couple of days he may have lost several of the above. So my apologies to that gentleman and the best to him and his boys. I hope they made it through the hurricane with relatively little damage.

three new guys and housecleaning

I went through all my "new" matches this afternoon and cleaned out anyone with a "match created" date before July 1st. If we haven't communicated by now, we're probably not going to. That was about 16 guys. Plus, on Friday, I went through all my "communicating" matches that had never responded to questions I'd send and closed those down. There were about 9 of those. So my grand total of closed matches is now closing on 600 - it's at 577 right now. My membership was automatically renewed on 8/15, so I may just ride out this last month and then quit for a bit. I've had so little activity lately it seems pointless. Other than posting on this blog, there's really no good reason to keep going, it seems. But we'll see. Maybe something super-great will happen next week or something - you never know.

Certainly nothing super-great has come up with the latest batch of matches I've received. Here's the rundown:

# 0829-01 from Atlanta, GA - He's a teacher/grad student, according to his profile. He likes to read, which is a big plus, but other than that there's nothing that really snaps. Divorced, two kids (but not in his photo). He's got a beard in the photo though, and I'm not huge on full beards. Rating: 1.5 frogs

# 0829-02 from Columbus, GA - Two of today's matches are from Columbus, and I'm not even sure where that is. This one is in the army, has no photos posted, and didn't answer 8 of the 11 short-answer questions on the profile - including last book read, so that's a big minus. And the list of the three things he is most thankful for is actually one thing, repeated three times: "my kids, my kids, my kids." So okay great, you like your kids, but as an answer that's really flaky. Rating: 3 frogs

# 0829-03 from Columbus, GA - The second of today's constestants from Columbus is a professor who actually seems like a decent sort of guy. According to his profile he loves Catcher in the Rye, which is one of those books that I read too young and it was kinda ruined for me. I've never been able to re-read it, and I probably would've like it if I'd waited until I was older to read it, but what can you do? The damage is done. So other than being in Columbus, GA, this guy has some potential. Rating: 1 frog

lone straggler

I received one match today - # 0826-01 from Nashville, TN. He's a pre-mastering audio engineer, which sounds like it's in a semi-related field to mine but I have no idea what it actually is. He only answered two of the eleven questions on the profile page, so I don't think he's really into the process. But from the things he did fill in he seems like a decent sort. Rating: 1.5 frogs

latest crop - Tues 8/23

I received 5 new matches on Tuesday, and I had one guy from a long time ago close me down. Here's the breakdown:

The guy from mid-July that closed me down (pre-blog days, so he doesn't have a number) was a landscape architecture student, which I thought sounded kind of cool. But he gave "I have too much happening in my life at the moment" as his reason for closing down communication, so I guess it was not meant to be.

# 0823-01 from Chamblee, GA - one of his photos includes a child, so I'm not going to linger too long on this one. He does seem like a decentish sort of guy, but the kids spells doom. His last book was about a guy from the Food Network that travelled around the world looking for the perfect meal, and he said about it: This guy ate some scary things in his journeys, but he shows a great deal of respect to the cultures he experiences. I like the fact that he pointed that out about respect for different cultures. I think it means he'd be similarly inclines if he admires it in someone else, which is important to me. Rating: 1 frog

# 0823-02 from Long Beach, MI - this one's a definite hall-of-famer. I'm not even sure where to start! First off, he says he's most passionate about "living my life in a way that will possitively [sic] affect the lives of my two young boys." Apparently, he doesn't find spelling things correctly a positive influence. Then, his answer to the question about the most important thing he's looking for in a person: "Moral faithfulness is the foundation for everything I am looking for in a woman. Adultery is unexceptable and inexcusable." Gee, you think the mother of his children might have been unfaithful or something? Baggage check!

All this is before I'm even halfway down the page! His lists his sons as the most influential people in his life. And his list of the three things he is most grateful for:
1. My first son
2. My second son
3. My moral character
And then for the five things he can't live without:
1. Moral character.
2. My first son.
3. My second son.
4. Food, water, and shelter.
5. A sense of purpose.
Don't get me wrong - I don't think it's bad to value your children, but this is a bit much. And if you're that enamored of your "moral character" you're probably pretty judgemental about others'.

Final nails in the coffin - last book, The Beginner's Bible which he is reading to his sons. And how does he normally spend his leisure time: away from the television, cell phone and computer. There aren't words for how much we'd get on each other's nerves were we ever to meet. Apparently he thinks so too, because he closed down communication with me almost immediately, giving not one but four reasons:I don't feel that the chemistry is there.
I think the physical distance between us is too great.
I want to pursue other matches at eharmony.
Based on statements in their profile, I'm not interested in this match.

So there's at least one thing we have in common - we don't find anything about the other attractive. Rating: 1 + infinity frogs

# 0823-03 from Nashville, TN - I don't think the fact that he lives in Nashville is going to be detrimental, because he lists his occupation as "printer, housesitter, esl instructor." And he says he'd "love to meet a girl who wants to live a simple uncluttered life." You don't have to be a master codebreaker to figure out this guy doesn't have a real job and doesn't have any interest in getting one. Which in & of itself isn't necessarily a bad thing, as long as you know going in you're going to be the breadwinner of the family. His last book was Being There, which is cool, and he seems like a laid-back sort of fellow with a decent sense of humor, but maybe a little too laid back for me. Rating: 1.5 frogs

# 0823-04 from Atlanta, GA - former teacher turned financial planner whose last three books were about spirituality and finances. Nuff said. He closed me down almost immediately, giving two reasons - I don't feel the chemistry is there and I am pursuing another relationship. Loosely translated: "If you were hotter I might be interested. But I'm not." Okay then - bye! Rating: 3 frogs

# 0823-05 from Charlotte, NC - self-proclaimed computer geek who, judging from his photos, may have as many toys on his desk as I do. Other than that, nothing particularly striking for or against him. Last book was something in Japanese or for a Japanese language class he's taking - I'm not clear on that. Rating: 1 frog

That's it for Tuesday's crop. Two out of five are closed already, and those that remain aren't particularly exciting.

dropping like flies

I received five new matches on Fri 8/19, but I haven't really had time to post about them. And since then, three of the five have closed communication. Plus, two guys from a while ago have also closed communication, so I'm five guys down in like three days.

The first of the "old" guys was from a match made on June 14th, before I started this blog, so he's not been mentioned before. No great loss, since in three out of the four photos he has posted, he's got a drink in front of him. Like a plastic cup, just-refilled-from-the-keg sort of drink. And his last book was Seabiscuit, which I consider the pre-DaVinci Code, DaVinci Code. The reason he gave for closing the match was "Other."

Second of the older matches was # 0729-04 from Atlanta, GA. He was the one who listed his occupation as "technical" - nothing else, just "technical." The reason he gave for closing the match was "I think the physical distance between us is too great." Which wouldn't be unreasonable if we didn't live in the same freakin' city! What's going on with that - he only wants to date women that live on his street or something? Big weirdo!

This brings us to the matches made on Fri 8/19. I'll go ahead & summarize everyone, even though three of them have already closed down communication:

# 0819-01 from Atlanta, GA - had he not already closed me down, I would've thought this one had potential. He's a music producer and the last book he read wasn't something totally retarded, and he didn't post any photos of himself with famous musicians or anything, so he seemed like a decent guy. Kind of a weird haircut, but that's wouldn't have been too awful. Anyway, he closed down the match, giving "Other" as his reason. Not too original. Rating: 1.5 frogs

# 0819-02 from Atlanta, GA - a 36-year old business analyst. The first picture he has posted is of him scuba diving - from below, looking up towards the surface through the water. There are other pictures as well, but I think it's interesting he chose to include that one, since it doesn't give you an idea of what he looks like, so much as it gives you an idea of what he likes to do. The answers to the profile questions are short & to the point. His last book is about the CIA and he says it's "educational and a fun read," which is encouraging. Anyone who likes to read non-fiction and considers it fun is okay in my book. However, he also says he's "a huge fan of bluegrass music and the Grateful Dead." Little scary, that. But overall, not too bad. And still open, so that puts him ahead of the rest of the group. Rating: 1 frog

# 0819-03 from Hickory, NC - Hickory, NC is a definite minus. Also, his last book was "The Diary of Ann Frank," which he must not have found too interesting since he didn't remember how to spell her name correctly. Not that it makes any difference, since he's one of the closed. The reason he gave: "I am pursuing another relationship." Good for her. If her name's Ann, I hope she doesn't spell it with an e. Rating: 2 frogs

# 0819-04 from Atlanta, GA - He has his name listed in all caps, which annoys me. The only photo he has posted is of him in the pool, but it's cropped so you can only see his head & shoulders & the water, so it's not that obnoxious. His last book was the latest Harry Potter, which I find endearing. But none of it matters, since he also closed communication, stating: "I am taking a break from dating." This seems like a bit of a cop-out to me, but oh well. Rating: 1 frog

# 0819-05 from Mount Pleasant, SC - This guy's younger than I am (34), and he seems to be a bit of a weight-lifter, so those are strikes against him. Really clean-cut, too - also a minus. His last book was The Tipping Point though, which is good, although he misspelled the word point (he wrote Poing - maybe it's the sequel or something). Anyway, he's left communication open, but I don't think either one of us is really all that excited about it. Rating: 2 frogs

So that's it for the latest crop. I'm not actively communicating with anyone right now, so nothing to report on that front either. It's been a boring week.

the new & the closed - Tues 8/16

I logged on today to discover that the musician from Athens I'd been communicating with had closed down our match, giving "I think the physical distance between us is too great" as his reason. I have to admit I was kind of suprised; we've been exchanging e-mails outside of eHarmony, and I'd've thought he'd let me know that way that he didn't want to communicate anymore. But maybe he just didn't know a good way to say it. God knows I always avoid direct confrontation whenever I can, so I can hardly blame him. I find it kind of irritating, though, because I don't know when he did that, and I've e-mailed him recently, so I can't help but wonder if he thinks I'm going to stalk him now. Oh well - that's his problem.

I did learn one thing from this - from now on, I'll close down matches when we start communicating outside of eHarmony so guys don't have that out anymore. Ha!

And speaking of closed matches, one of my new matches (# 0814-01 from Duluth, GA) closed me down before I even had a chance to look over his profile. No big loss - he admits he doesn't read books, but does read technical magazines for his hobbies & whatnot. Yawn! He didn't even give a reason. If he actually read books he might have been able to think of something. And guess what? There was a kid in his picture. So it was doomed from the get-go.

So that leaves me with only one new match:

# 0814-02 from Tallahassee, FL - yet another guy from Tallahassee. Nothing terribly interesting in his profile, except the last book he read was one that's on my "to-be-read" pile - The Historian. But other than that there's not really anything noteworthy there. Rating: 2 frogs

Also, there seems to be a huge slowdown in terms of people signing up for eHarmony, because I used to get mutiple matches almost daily, and now I hardly get any. Maybe every couple of days. I did change my settings so that I'm only looking for people in the Southeast, but still...

oh, the horror!

I logged into eHarmony today to discover that I have been matched up again with yet another person from work. (The last one was before I starting chronicling on this blog.) I cannot express how discomfiting that is. I turned off my photo and closed the match, so hopefully he maybe didn't see me and won't know it was me, but if he logged on since yesterday, he would have already seen my photo. Yikes!

The last guy this happened with never mentioned it, but I don't know that I've even seen him since then. (Obviously, it wasn't someone I work with on a daily basis.) I'm hoping that this guy will do the same.

It'd be one thing if I'd had an interest in either of these guys to begin with, but I didn't. And I'm sure they'd both say the same about me as well.

I'm not giving this guy a number or a rating - I'm just going to pretend it never happened.

the post-vacation update

Not a lot happened on eHarmony while I was on vacation. Couple of new matches, couple of closed. No new communications or anything. So here's the latest:

The clean-cut guy from here in Atlanta - # 0801-02 - closed me down. I am not torn up about it. He used "other" as his reason, which I find sort of funny because that's the one I use because there's no "there aren't words for how off-putting I find you" option. Another match I haven't even had a chance to post about yet, # 0811-01 from Greenville , SC also closed me down, using "I am pursuing another relationship" as his reason. Here's what I find funny about that reason, and I'm as guilty of it as anybody: If you're pursuing a relationship with a person you think is going pretty well, you can request that eHarmony not send you any more matches while maintaining your account and corresponding with people you already met, etc. So if you don't do that, and you keep getting matches, it's the electronic equivalent of checking out other people in a restaurant or a bar while you're on a date. Very tacky! Using that reason is really saying, "You're not interesting enough to pull me away from this other person - buh-bye!" But I do it myself so I can't complain too much.

The only live match I have left from while I was gone then is # 0811-02 from Tallahassee, FL. He's seems like a bit of geek, which is a big plus in my book, but he's in Tallahassee, which is a big minus. His last book was Middlesex, which is a good one, and he lists a library card as one of the five things he can't live without. But one of the other things on that list is "Life", which just seems weird to me. In the "One thing that only XXX's best friends know is..." section, he says that he's terrified of the Muppets - he doesn't like their unblinking eyes. Could be a problem for me because I love The Muppet Show, but not necessarily a deal-breaker. The Tallahassee thing is still a big minus, though. Rating: 1.5 frogs

That's it for the new matches. I have been communicating with two guys. One of them stalled out before and seems to have stalled out again - the singalong guy from Hartsville, TN. No great loss there if I don't hear from him again.

The other one - the musician from Athens, GA - I've actually exchanged e-mails with outside of eHarmony. He seems very nice, but I left for vacation right after we exchanged info, so I haven't really gotten past that.

from the beach (by popular demand)

This morning, my father & stepmother renewed their wedding vows on the beach in honor of their 20th anniversary. It was very sweet, and makes logging on to eHarmony even more depressing and demoralizing. Especially since it's been nearly a week since I last logged on, and the activity has been almost nil. But here's the recap anyway:

# 0804-01 from Greenville, SC - a 43-year old vet assistant who didn't fill out most of the introductory information. Eight of the 11 questions were left blank, including "the most important thing XXX is looking for in a person is..." I guess maybe the most important thing is just a pulse. Or maybe not even that much - he does have a bit of medical training, what with being a vet assist and all. Based on the fact that there's literally nothing to go on, and he's had his post up for nearly a week, I think I'll go ahead and close this one down. Rating: 3 frogs

# 0805-01 from Lawrenceville, GA - closed me down pretty much immediately. Which is fine with me since 1) he's in sales and 2) his last book was Principles of Marketing and he says he doesn't really read for fun. Rating: 3 frogs

# 0808-01 from Atlanta, GA - actually seems sort of promising. Art director, which is good, since I lean towards people with semi-unusual jobs. A little older (38), which I also like because I like a little maturity in a guy. Didn't put anything down for his last book, which is a minus, but not an insurmountable obstacle. And for his photos...oh, no! Kiss of death - picture with a child. Probably going to be a non-starter after all. However, I should point out that in addition to that picture, he's also got a photo with his hand up a turkey's butt (a dead one about to be cooked, not a regular, walking-around alive sort of turkey) and a picture of himself standing next to a wax James Dean in the same pose. So I don't know if these will counteract the Curse of the Bambinos or not. We'll have to see. Rating: 1.5 frogs

# 0808-02 from Atlanta, GA - way too clean-cut for me. Plus, he's younger - 35 years old. One of his photos is either an Olan Mills-type thing or a publicity sort of photo for his job. Didn't fill out what his last book was, either. He also left four other questions blank, including the "the most important thing XXX is looking for in a person is..." I mean, come up with something, people! Put some effort into this! Rating: 3 frogs

That's it for this update from the beach. I probably won't update again until I get back home.

I know I should be packing, but...

I had one new match today. #0803-01 from Atlanta is the exact opposite of Exclamation Point Guy from yesterday - this guy doesn't use any punctuation at all.

His sentences just end, no periods or anything, like this

What's up with me and punctuation imbeciles lately? What are the people at eHarmony thinking? Punctuation and spelling aren't two of the 29 dimensions of compatibility? I'm a grammar nerd! If he can't punctuate, we can't procreate - it's that simple.

And, and, if that weren't enough - his last book? DaVinci Code. Plus he golfs. Buh-bye!
Rating: 3 frogs

butcher's bill reaches 530

I'm up to 530 closed matches as of today. I received five new intros yesterday (including Deja Vu Guy) and four of them have already closed communication. No great losses there - I won't go into the details on all of them, because at this point, who cares? One of the guys seemed incapable of ending his sentences with anything other than multiple exclamation points. I guess he's a very excited sort of guy!!! He really wanted you to know he meant what he said!! Another of the gents said he was already pursuing another relationship, so fine, no problem there. The third guy said there was no chemistry, also no problem. And then the fourth was Deja Vu guy, whom I closed communication with. So that's the dead pool for the day.

# 0801-01 from Atlanta (the sole survivor of the day's matches) doesn't seem very promising, for two reasons. One, there's a kid in one of the photos he has posted, and we know how that usually turns out; and two, his response to the question "What do you wish MORE people would notice about you?" was: "Eyes." That's it - just the one word. What about eyes? That he has them? Or that he doesn't? They're made of glass? What? That's just weird to me. Rating: 2 frogs

deja vu all over again

I got some new matches today, which I don't really have time to go into now, but here's the weird thing - one of the guys I'd already been matched up with before. He's in my closed matches (I went back & found him), but I don't remember if I closed him down or he closed me - probably the former, because his picture kind of weirded me out a bit. Plus he said he's not really a reader, so forget that!

Now, from what I understand, even if you quit eHarmony, your profile remains your profile and if you sign back up, all the matches that were already made for you are still on file. So I think this guy must have picked a different login id, retaken the test, and started the process all over again or something. Which I suppose is sort of valid - maybe you feel the personality test didn't capture you adequately and you want to start from scratch. That's okay, I suppose. But he posted the exact same pictures, which is why I recognized him right away.

Of course I have to analyze his introductory info and see what he changed, so here's the scoop:

Our first intro was on June 18th, the second intro on Aug 1st. The intros are almost identical; I think maybe he logged into his old profile and copied & pasted some of it, since there are strange grammatical errors that I don't think you would naturally make twice. Although I guess if you're going to copy & paste and not notice that what you've written is fucked up, I suppose you could make the same mistakes twice.

Now that I've really compared the two, I do think he went back and tried to retake the personality test, because the things that have changed between the two intros are the items that are populated from your answers on the test. Ha! Can't fool the test, baby! You're still getting matched up with the same losers, dude!

Funniest thing about the two intros: There's a section in the intro information where they tell you "three of the things you and so-and-so have in common are:" and the three things are items from a list in the test. I think they tell you to put a check mark by anything you have even a passing interest in, and it's a pretty long list. So anyway, from the Aug 1st intro, we have the following things in common: family, movies, & learning. Not too bad, pretty reasonable sorts of things. But from the June 18th intro, here are the three things we had in common: traveling, musicals, and weightlifting. Which cracks me up mostly because I can't figure out what I was thinking when I checked off musicals on the list. I hate musicals! I like the barn-raising scene from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers and that's it. And having musicals & weightlifting is just funny anyway. That's what women want to hear about a guy - "he loves musicals & weightlifting!" That's something you want to hear about your decorator, not your date.

Anyway, enough about this weirdness. I've got to go close this guy down. He's no more appealing the 2nd time around. Rating: 6 frogs (3 for each time he's popped up.)